Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
