Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
