i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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