Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
