Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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