John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
