whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
