I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
