My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
