:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
