margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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