he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
