rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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