i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
