I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
