Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
third nipple confirmed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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