She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
