pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
