Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
