Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
