How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
