Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
