Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
