Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
