when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
