so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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