Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
