I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
