Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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