I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
