I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
