It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
