i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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