I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
