just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
