By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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