i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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