I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you have to choose: penises or morals?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
