I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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