Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
