I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
