What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is the high leading the old right now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
