dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
