At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
