He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
