I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
