she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
