after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
