I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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