i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
