Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's shark week go big or go home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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