and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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