Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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